He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
