sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
