lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
