Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
