hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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