I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize