I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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