Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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