I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
