am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
