You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
