normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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