what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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