Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
