I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
