i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
