She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
