Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
