i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
