So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
