I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
