If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so let's talk penis.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
