He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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