At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
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