who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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