You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE