Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan