Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.