Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
