Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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