You smell like a Billy Joel song
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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