The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
high people should be assigned attendants
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
