Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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