yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
