When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everclear isn't food dammit
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
