why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
