I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
