Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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