Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
