Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
