You really coming over, don't trick.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
