Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
