I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
