If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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