please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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