I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
