I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
