You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
