Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
