Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
