I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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