Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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