Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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