'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
