you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
