My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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