you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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