Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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