I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think a kid would responsible me up
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
