Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
