my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
