You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
