He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
