they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Terrible idea I love it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
