Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
be right there i have to get my cape
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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