I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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