Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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