am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And then he peed in my hair
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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