when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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