god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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