allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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