is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
