the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
