I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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