Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
