took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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