If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
