I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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